You are stronger than you think
Like a flick of a switch my life had changed for ever, I went from a confident, energetic, healthy child who loved playing sport and was always on the go. To a poorly, confused, scared, exhausted and anxious child. It felt like this literally just happened over night. As the seizures just suddenly happened and like most people who are diagnosed there is no cause for the reason why you develop epilepsy...
So back to when I was a very poorly, scared eleven year old. The doctors told me I was epileptic but didn't give me much of a description of what this meant. Also my parents where uneducated on the topic so they where unsure on all the facts. I left the hospital equally confused but my parents kept reassuring me telling me it would be okay, I will get better and we would sort it out With medication and so on.
If we fast forward two years, at this point I am thirteen, I had gone from confused and scared. To being an angry, anxious, depressed mess. I was angry at epilepsy and world for running my life (at least thats what I thought back then)!. Hardly attending school as I was too ill to go. And although my medication was controlling my bigger seizures it wasn't controlling the smaller ones so was still having several seizures a day. This was no life for a thirteen year old!
At time I hit breaking point, I could either hide in my house all day or realise I'm I've got this condition for the rest of my life and I have got to be strong and battle against it. Although at this point I stilled hadn't accepted it, but had more of an understanding of what was happening.
Fast forward another two years, my doctor added another drug, ethosuximide. I was hesitate at first as I was scared of the side affects and how what it would do to my seizures. But after two months of horrible side affects (one of the oddest was hiccups for a whole two months). It started to control my seizures. I started to remember what it was like to lead a more normal life and although still incredible anxious back then. I learnt to slowly build myself back up. However still at the age of fifteen, 4 years after being diagnosed I still felt I hadn't accepted it was I was still so angry for what it had put me through.
However about a year and bit later I learnt I had changed but in a positive way. I saw epilepsy as something which has changed me for the better, I am strong, determined and appreciate ever single day that I am well. And I know whatever it throws at me in the future I am strong enough to battle through it. So when I started feeling like this I learnt that I had accepted it, yes it took time but I have come out the other side such a strong person, who will not let anything get in my way of stopping my dreams and goals.
I know how hard it is to accept that your life has changed for ever, wether you have the condition or your child may have be diagnosed. And yes this turns you world upside down. But believe me with patience and strength you can get through it and one day you will suddenly realise that you have accepted your condition and be proud of you are. And if your love one as recently been diagnosed please give them time, space and the love they deserve as they are confused over what is happening to them.
One vital thing is raising awareness about this awful condition as I want to prevent as many people as possible going through what I went through and many others have experienced. I feel that back when I was diagnosed if I knew more about the condition and was educated in it I would not of been as scared and confused. Which is why we need to raise awareness and money so please share this post to help those who are currently being diagnosed, have recently been or for future diagnosis so there battle ahead is more smooth.
You are fighting a battle every day of your life and just for that you are incredible strong!
Hi welcome, to my blog! Come follow my journey and read my experiences of living with epilepsy.